Tender Mercies
Ever since Jude came home from the NICU, I have worked a few more night shifts than days in order to limit his contact with others and keep him healthy. Nights have worked well for our family and have helped me to work and be a mom.
I love, like LOVE my job and I adore my family, but sometimes the balance is tough. Now that Jude is older, he doesn't nap as frequently through the day, leaving me to feel like a zombie after working all night. I have hated that I can't seem to give my family AND my passion for nursing one hundred percent. Guilt for coming up short in both areas has been overwhelming.
This week, as I drove home, I thought about my day ahead. Jude would be up and ready for the day when I got home and I would have maybe a minute to shower and pump before Ben left for work. Then I would be up all day with maybe a few snippets of sleep when Jude did. Ben was also having parent teacher conferences followed by a wrestling function he was coaching, so wouldn't be home until late.
As the sun was coming up over the mountains, I began to feel overwhelmed and I felt prompted to pray. I asked for energy to play with Jude that day and be present, emotionally and physically, in his day. I begged for the strength to tackle the mountain of smelly dishes and keep a positive attitude even though I'd be exhausted.
I pulled in the drive way feeling strengthened and resolved and our day was full of tender mercies and blessings from God. Jude took a good morning nap and I was able to catch some sleep. I felt an amazing sort of spiritual energy the entire day and an extra measure of patience. My mom was here for a few hours and got Jude to sleep for another nap. I got the dishes done and played with the dogs. Jude was happy all day and went to bed on time and easily.
It may not sound like much, but these tender mercies buoyed me up and strengthened my testimony in prayer and of the Lord's concern and love for all of us. Even if all we want to do is play with our kid and wash some dishes.
I love, like LOVE my job and I adore my family, but sometimes the balance is tough. Now that Jude is older, he doesn't nap as frequently through the day, leaving me to feel like a zombie after working all night. I have hated that I can't seem to give my family AND my passion for nursing one hundred percent. Guilt for coming up short in both areas has been overwhelming.
This week, as I drove home, I thought about my day ahead. Jude would be up and ready for the day when I got home and I would have maybe a minute to shower and pump before Ben left for work. Then I would be up all day with maybe a few snippets of sleep when Jude did. Ben was also having parent teacher conferences followed by a wrestling function he was coaching, so wouldn't be home until late.
As the sun was coming up over the mountains, I began to feel overwhelmed and I felt prompted to pray. I asked for energy to play with Jude that day and be present, emotionally and physically, in his day. I begged for the strength to tackle the mountain of smelly dishes and keep a positive attitude even though I'd be exhausted.
I pulled in the drive way feeling strengthened and resolved and our day was full of tender mercies and blessings from God. Jude took a good morning nap and I was able to catch some sleep. I felt an amazing sort of spiritual energy the entire day and an extra measure of patience. My mom was here for a few hours and got Jude to sleep for another nap. I got the dishes done and played with the dogs. Jude was happy all day and went to bed on time and easily.
It may not sound like much, but these tender mercies buoyed me up and strengthened my testimony in prayer and of the Lord's concern and love for all of us. Even if all we want to do is play with our kid and wash some dishes.
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