Fertility War: Silver Linings
Looking back at our infertility journey, it's easy to remember only the pokes, ultrasounds, tears, and the emotional and physical discomfort of the whole experience. Heck, I can't tell you how many times a day I cried, the amount of money we spent, or how many times I sat on that cold exam table praying my body would just work; just carry out the function every woman was designed to.
I've heard infertility described, pretty accurately, as: a medical condition which diminishes your self esteem, your social life, as well as checking and savings accounts. Causes sudden urges to pee on sticks, cry, scream, and fear of pregnancy announcements. Treated by a medical professional who you pay to knock you up--this doesn't always work. Affects 1 in 10 couples.
Yes, it totally sucks. But, in every situation, I think we can find something positive. Being broken has it's perks. I feel our journey with infertility has made us less fragile to the crap life throws, and since we survived it, I think we can do anything. "Perhaps strength doesn't reside in never having been broken, but the courage required to grow strong in broken places."
Our "broken place" has helped us find the positives. For us, it took weeks and the silver linings are thin, but there is light. There are tender mercies in the least expected experiences. So, we made a list of ours:
- I got my very own sharps container to house used needles from hundreds of injections I gave to myself. It's pretty cool.
- I was introduced to acupuncture. It's healing as well as relaxing.
- I am no longer self conscious about my body. A whole slew of strangers have now seen it. And they've seen better and seen worse. I don't worry about it anymore; it's all good.
- Ben and I are closer than we have ever been. I guess when two people go through hell together, it can either make or break them. I am so grateful to have had a lifeline through this.
- I have empathy for other couples who are in similar situation. My heart aches when I learn of another captive of the infertility monster and I sob when others go through miscarriages or loss.
- We will be so grateful for kids when they get here. I think I will remember the miracle of their lives every time I see their faces and cherish every moment. I know most people love their kids, but mine will probably get ice cream and cake for breakfast. Everyday.
- Since kids didn't come into our lives as quickly as we would have hoped, we have traveled a lot. Our adventures around the globe are experiences we won't forget.
- Our need to love and care for someone has been filled, for now, with three (yes. three) awesome dogs. Geez...I get all teary thinking about how much I love them.
No, it's not a long list, but we found some light. I'm sure as time goes on, we will see the big picture and realize it was all worth it.
I've heard infertility described, pretty accurately, as: a medical condition which diminishes your self esteem, your social life, as well as checking and savings accounts. Causes sudden urges to pee on sticks, cry, scream, and fear of pregnancy announcements. Treated by a medical professional who you pay to knock you up--this doesn't always work. Affects 1 in 10 couples.
Yes, it totally sucks. But, in every situation, I think we can find something positive. Being broken has it's perks. I feel our journey with infertility has made us less fragile to the crap life throws, and since we survived it, I think we can do anything. "Perhaps strength doesn't reside in never having been broken, but the courage required to grow strong in broken places."
Our "broken place" has helped us find the positives. For us, it took weeks and the silver linings are thin, but there is light. There are tender mercies in the least expected experiences. So, we made a list of ours:
- I got my very own sharps container to house used needles from hundreds of injections I gave to myself. It's pretty cool.
- I was introduced to acupuncture. It's healing as well as relaxing.
- I am no longer self conscious about my body. A whole slew of strangers have now seen it. And they've seen better and seen worse. I don't worry about it anymore; it's all good.
- Ben and I are closer than we have ever been. I guess when two people go through hell together, it can either make or break them. I am so grateful to have had a lifeline through this.
- I have empathy for other couples who are in similar situation. My heart aches when I learn of another captive of the infertility monster and I sob when others go through miscarriages or loss.
- We will be so grateful for kids when they get here. I think I will remember the miracle of their lives every time I see their faces and cherish every moment. I know most people love their kids, but mine will probably get ice cream and cake for breakfast. Everyday.
- Since kids didn't come into our lives as quickly as we would have hoped, we have traveled a lot. Our adventures around the globe are experiences we won't forget.
- Our need to love and care for someone has been filled, for now, with three (yes. three) awesome dogs. Geez...I get all teary thinking about how much I love them.
No, it's not a long list, but we found some light. I'm sure as time goes on, we will see the big picture and realize it was all worth it.
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| Sooo true. |
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