Jude is Two!

Hey Jude,
It's your 2nd birthday today. I relived the day you were born down to the minute and found myself sitting by your crib again this morning at 12:39--the minute you were born. The moment my life changed forever.

I remember laying on the operating room table two years ago and thinking about how all of my expectations for becoming a mother were fading fast. I was trading my dream of a full term healthy baby for a one-pounder and a four month NICU stay.

I think the thing that bothered me the most was I wasn't going to get to hold you when you were born. I'm not much for birth plans--see Mama has seen far too many babies suffer because of someone's hair-brained, blogger inspired, birth plan. Nope, I never made one. I just wanted that magical moment of you screaming, ruddy and fresh--laid on my chest.

Well, I realized today I'm so glad I didn't get to hold you on the day you were born. I caught a glimpse of you as they took you to be stabilized and that got me through. I realized the only way I would have gotten to hold you that day is if you were just too perfect to stay. If the doctor couldn't help you to breath and it was time to let you go back to heaven. Son, it would have absolutely broken me to hold you the day you were born.

I'm so grateful the first time I held you was when you were two weeks old--purring around your ET tube, placed so gently and perfectly on my chest. I wept and kissed your little head.

Thank you for changing my idea of perfect. The first day I held you could not have been more amazing. Gosh, everyday with you has been perfect. I mean it.

Love forever,
Mama

Here are some pictures your awesome Dad put together for your birthday. You've come a long way, little miracle man.