Leo's Birth Story

My Leo,
Oh, Leo. You are so loved. You are the baby I didn't know I needed, but literally cannot live without. Let's start at the beginning.

It was early morning on February 6, 2018. I was late for my period by one whole day, and historically, that has meant there is a bun in the oven. I took a test during the kids' nap time and sat on the bathroom floor while I contemplated how my life may be about to change in three minutes.

I wasn't sure I could do it. Wasn't sure I wanted to, if I'm being honest. Lola was only a year old and continued to be, well, a challenge and very time consuming. Jude was just starting preschool and I felt I already was neglecting him. I really couldn't see how I could love another baby the way a newborn requires with all that I had on my plate.

My three minutes were up and I rose from the cool tile to check the test. Two lines. Positive, and obviously so.

I took another one--also positive.

As I stared at those tests, I began to cry sweet tears of joy. Those feelings of fear and uncertainty were gone. I felt so freaking happy. I knew it would be hard, but I wanted you so much I can't even explain it. I put a hand over my belly and thanked the Lord right then and there for your sweet spirit and prayed for the strength and time to grow you properly.

Your Dad and I had a date that night to see The Killers. Your Dad was saying something about feeling nauseated because he hadn't eaten much that day. I whipped out my phone and showed him the pictures of the positive tests, saying, "this is going to make us both nauseous."

His eyes got wide as he looked at the pictures. He kept saying, "what! What does this mean!?"

Fast forward to 13 weeks and my doctors and I decided it was time to have a cerclage placed to my cervix cooperative and cook you for as long as possible. The procedure went as expected until about a week later. 

I had a rush of fluid and consequently, a huge panic attack. I tried calling the doctor's office, but couldn't get anyone on the phone. I waited nervously, praying everything was ok. Visions of my water breaking with your brother Jude came flooding back and I knew if that had happened now, at only 14 weeks, we may not get to meet you. 

The nurse from the office finally called me back and hesitantly allowed me to come in and get checked out. So, I hauled both of my little babies to the doctor's office and hoped the visit wouldn't be too traumatizing for them as I was examined and thoroughly checked out. 

When the doctor pulled over the ultrasound machine, I sent a prayer to heaven, pleading for you to be healthy and strong. The heartbeat came onto the screen and it was like music to my ears. Everything was ok and you were wiggling and moving like normal. Apparently, the fluid was a by-product of the cerclage procedure.

I first felt you flutter around in my belly around 18 weeks. You weren't as wild as Lola, but every time I rubbed my belly, or talked to you, you'd move a little--like you knew I needed some reassurance. One of my favorite moments happened around that week when I was reading to Jude in his bed. He put his hand on my belly and got to feel you move. I asked him if he was excited and he said quietly, "I hope this baby doesn't cry like Lola."

I went to Maternal Fetal Medicine for your anatomy ultrasound around 21 weeks. I told them I didn't want to know your gender since I had to come to the appointment by myself, but as soon as the tech put the probe on my belly, boom! There were your boy parts front and center. Everything looked completely normal and MFM told me they didn't need to see me anymore.

I was able to work the whole pregnancy, which was a huge blessing. And man, I never knew tired like being a pregnant night shifter. I could sleep after a shift all day and Dad would sometimes have to shake me awake to go back to work. I had a few contractions here and there as the pregnancy progressed, but nothing worrisome. We sighed a huge breath of relief as I waddled into my 30th week of pregnancy. 

All through my pregnancy, I was told I could be induced around 39 weeks as long as my cervix was cooperative. At my 38 week appointment, I met with the old-school doc who was strongly opposed to inducing women who have had a c-section in the past. He made me feel like only a selfish monster would want to be induced, so I left my appointment close to tears and without an induction date. I went to my appointment the next week and was told the induction schedule was full until into my 40th week of pregnancy. Ah, hell no. Do these people know where I work?!? I ain't doing post dates, lady. 

I had a little freak out and tattled on the last doc who had refused to schedule me last week. The provider apologized and said they would do everything they could to get me on the schedule. She suggested stripping my membranes, since I was 3cm and 80 percent effaced, saying I could go into labor anytime. That was an experience. I nearly crab crawled off the table it was so, so uncomfortable. 

The doctors' office called me the next day saying a woman on the schedule had gone into labor, so I was in!! I did an awkward happy dance and felt such a huge relief. That day, Grandma and I tackled a big to do list. Looking back, that's probably what help speed things along. I kid you not, we rented a chain saw, cut up a huge stack of fire wood, and put it all away. 

I was told to call the labor and delivery charge nurse on the induction day to see when I was to come in. Apparently October 11, 2018 was a great day to have a baby, because every time I called, they said someone else had come in in labor, so I'd have to wait. Cue more tears. Dad had taken the day off and it seemed wasted. Finally, around 6pm, I got the green light to go to the hospital. 

It was shift change as I was getting checked in, so I got to wave at all my co-workers coming into work. They all giggled, seeing me in street clothes and my big belly.

My nurse was a labor and delivery veteran named Deborah. She wasn't much into chatting, but knew her stuff and I grew to trust her in a matter of minutes. Aunt Jess came to meet us and take pictures and it felt like dejavu because we felt like we had just done this with Miss Lola. 

As we got settled, the doctor who would be delivering came into the room. Wouldn't you know it?! It was the doc who made me feel horrible about wanting an induction and here I was for said induction. He looked at me trying to remember how and when he saw me last, but didn't seem to remember how he had been a total jerk. I would have loved a different doctor, but I knew with Deb, Jess, and Ben in my corner, we would all be ok. 

They started some Pitocin, but shut it off after a few minutes because I seemed to go into labor after that little push, quickly reaching 5cm. The contractions came hard and fast. Sometimes, there would only be 20-30 seconds between them and I was a little worried about the pressure on my uterus. Deb asked if I was planning on an epidural and since I was, she suggested getting it now to hopefully subdue the frequency of the contractions. 

The anesthesiologist came and got the epidural in quick. He only did a half dose initially and came back in a few minutes because I was still having piggy back contractions and was crawling off the bed. 

The relief from an epidural is like no other and I finally closed my eyes and took a little rest--thinking that you would be here soon. 

About an hour or so later, I started to feel different. I don't know how to explain it--slightly nauseous, anxious, and shaky. I called Deb who came in to check me and sure enough, I was complete. This was proving to be a quick labor and that was fine by me. 

The doctor came in and said I could start pushing. Jess, Ben, and Deb placed bets on if you would be born on the 11th or the 12th. It was 11:45pm, so it could easily go either way. I pushed a few times, you would descend each time, but then get pulled back. It felt like pushing against a brick wall. "Does he have a nuchal?" I asked breathlessly.

The doc did a quick check and sure enough, you hard your cord around your neck. With a quick flick, he got you untangled. Invigorated now that I knew you wouldn't get stuck, I gave it my all and pushed hard. A few seconds later, you were born. 

You didn't cry immediately and I kept asking the doctor if you were ok. He suctioned your mouth and nose and gave you a good rub on the back before handing you to me. You cried as you got to my chest and we cried with relief. I rubbed you down with a blanket to help you pink up. One of the first things we noticed were your big hands! Dad said, "Look at those meat hooks!"

After cleaning you off a little, we put a diaper on you and I held you skin to skin. You bobbed your little head around, looking for food and breastfed right away. You had such a calm, sweet spirit and we all marveled at you.

We stayed a few days in the hospital and you were such a good eater. You didn't loose any weight and were so good to eat, burp, and go back to sleep--muuuuch different from your sister.  When Lola and Jude came to visit for the first time, my heart almost burst. They loved you immediately and kissed your feet and hands. Lola was especially smitten and often made sure you got what you needed, saying things like, "mama, he's hungry! Mama, change his bum!" We finally got her a dolly of her own to get her off my back!

When we got home, you were swollen and hadn't had a wet diaper for a few hours. When I was feeding you at 2 am, I prayed that you would please be able to pee so we wouldn't have to take you to the doctor. Well, I hadn't finished my prayer when I felt a warm stream hit me in the shoulder and then my face. I started laughing and crying and dad woke up, worried something was wrong. I shouted, "he's peeing! He's peeing!" I think dad thought I was crazy!

Dad blessed you in April of 2019 and it was a wonderful day. The things I loved from your blessing included that you would be kind and bring peace to others, that you would be non-judgemental and be an example, and that you would be respectful to others, especially your mama and your sister. 

Your first year of life was a little a blur, but we had such fun with you! You continued to breastfeed well and learned to use a cup when you were 9 months old. You loved our old dog, Sammy and he loved you back--often seeking you out and lying quietly next to you. You didn't love solid food and are still a very picky eater. You walked out of necessity right before your first birthday and loved tagging along with your siblings. Lola continues to mother you and you don't care for that one bit. You took your time finding your words, but  have always had a quiet, attentive presence that demands attention. You love playing with balls, pretending to drive in the car, and ride your balance bike like a maniac.

Leo, you are a dream come true. You keep us on our toes and have become a rough and tumble man with just enough snuggle to keep everyone in love with you. Thanks for being the sweetest, most rambunctious surprise we'v ever experienced!