The Best Five Years

It has been five years since Ben and I became "we" and I've been feeling nostalgic as I have reminisced on our years of friendship, dating, and marriage. I wanted to write our "story" so that as we age and dementia sets in, someone will remember what I think is a pretty great love story. I'm thinking Ellen Pompeo could play me in the movie someday.

It's probably too detailed and mushy for most people, but I don't want to lose any of the precious memories.

I was a freshman in college, out to save the world as a pre-nursing major and looking for anything but a relationship. Don't get me wrong--I went on dates, socialized a fair amount, and loved ward activities, but school was my number one.

Then I met a boy who jumbled my perfectly mapped plans.

I met Ben for the first time in my apartment in good old Rexburg, Idaho. I had come home from class and plopped on the couch with my guitar. There was a knock at the door, which my roommate, Angie answered promptly and there he stood. I knew he wasn't from around there because it was early fall and he had a heavy winter coat on. Probably a Californian, I snickered to myself.

Ben chatted with Angie for a minute before we caught eyes. I noticed his were exceptionally blue; like a clear river, and his smile was equally charming. Upon seeing the guitar in my lap, his first words to me were, "play something for me."

I looked at this stranger with a look that said you've got to be kidding me and ignored his request,  looking to Angie to rescue me. She jumped in, saying, "this is Ben. He's in our family home evening group."

That's nice.

Turns out, it didn't take long to realize he was nice. And sweet. And fun. And caring. And totally dating a girl down the hall. But that was fine with me and I loved having Ben as a friend. Not only did we have a blast at our FHE activities, but my apartment seemed like Ben's second home and he was our seventh roommate.  He somehow always showed up when we were making dinner and stayed till curfew, chatting and playing guitar. Seeing Ben's white jeep outside my apartment quickly became the way to make my day.

Ben's relationship with the crazy misunderstood girl down the hall ended which brought a happier Ben around our apartment more often. At this point, I considered Ben one of my closest friends and I could talk to him about anything.

One night I got a text from Ben asking me if I wanted some late night tacos from the bus on main street. That's weird, I thought, my roommates always come with us to the bus. 

And so started little expeditions of just the two of us. Walks, tacos, the library to study (well, I would study), and watching Friends till curfew. I didn't realize it then, but I liked having Ben to myself. So to speak. He could make me laugh to the point of tears and motivate me like no one I had ever met.

There was a girls' choice dance coming up and my roommate and I talked about taking the boys from our FHE group. Nothing romantic, just guys we knew we could have a good time with. I hesitated when all my roommates decided Ben should be my date--they were all very adamant that I be the one to take Ben.

I wondered if they knew I liked him--like more than a friend, but scared to death of dating him--liked him. I barely came to the realization myself and definitely wasn't ready to have everyone know. Plus, he had been going on a lot of dates lately and had mentioned he was sick of being asked out. Poor baby

Ben came over as usual after class and we all got talking about the dance. As the girls mentioned who they wanted to take, Ben looked at me. I sputtered something like um, I don't know if I'm gonna go. To which Ben said, "I'll just go with you...ya know, if you can't think of someone." (Little did I know, Ben had been bribing my roommates to put in a good word for him).

The night of the dance came and the girls huddled around the mirror primping and prepping in our formal gowns as the boys showed up one by one. Ben came through the door looking ravishing in a dark suit and tie and bearing an adorable framed picture he drew for me. I must have looked pretty good, too because, for once, he didn't have much to say. He gently touched my face and hugged me, telling me I looked beautiful, sending shivers down my spine.

We danced the night away and had the time of our lives. I kept thinking Ben was the sweetest date ever--he was so attentive and would hold my hand as we weaved through crowds or rest his hand on my back while we talked. I wasn't sure how to react, so I would randomly burst out into dance and pull him along. I was worried he knew I liked him, but seemed oblivious to the fact that he might like me.

We ended the night with a hug and a promise to do more dancing. Even if it was just in my apartment's kitchen.

One night a few weeks later after FHE, I noticed Ben had left his wallet. I ran out into the rain to try to get to him before he left. I made it to his Jeep just in time and handed the wallet to him. We started talking, oblivious to the rain, and Ben told me he liked me. He wanted to date me. And I told him I was flattered.

But I declined his offer, saying I didn't want to hurt that poor crazy misunderstood girl down the hall. I told him I had been there and I wouldn't do that to someone else. Yes, it had been months since they broke up, but still.

Luckily, things didn't get weird between us and we went on like normal. Except Ben would ask me out. A lot. And I said no. A lot. I know, you're thinking, she's playing hard to get, but I wasn't trying to. I was worried that dating would ruin one of the best and most genuine friendships I had ever experienced. I didn't want to lose Ben.

He was persistent and did something small everyday to show me how much he cared about me--chalk notes on the sidewalk outside my apartment, emails, snacks for me at the library while I would study--I could feel myself falling in love and my resolve to not date him weakening.

I came back from Thanksgiving excited to be back in school and see Ben again. We watched "A Christmas Story" with my roommates and curfew came too quickly. I walked Ben to the door and gave him a hug. He held me longer than usual and quietly asked if I would please be his girlfriend. I pulled back and looked in his eyes. He looked so sincere and so hopeful. Not knowing how to answer that face, I buried my face in his chest. He rested his chin on my head and whispered, Whitney. Just let me be with you.

I closed my eyes and realized I wanted to be with him. Forever, hopefully, but I kept that to myself. I replied simply, okay. The smile alone on his face was worth the wait and he skipped to his car.

Funny side note: Ben texted my roommate, Kandace, that night and asked her to make sure I knew we were dating. He said it sounded too good to be true.

Things didn't really change much just because we were "dating." We had already been spending all our spare time together, hanging out with my roommates, and were practiced co-partners in studying. The thing that did change was Ben started to leave soft kisses on my cheeks and forehead along with our customary hugs when he would leave. Having never been kissed, I was nervous for the day when I would try to kiss him back.

A few days later, we went on a nose freezing, icy, typical-Rexburg winter walk to Porter Park. I certainly didn't expect this night to be when I experienced my first kiss as I wore on sweats, my workout shirt, a beanie, and my winter coat. We had stopped by a bench and were talking when Ben pulled me into a hug and kissed my cheeks and forehead. He slowly brought his hands to my face as he kissed me straight on the mouth. I froze. My eyes widened, I couldn't get my face to move, and tears welled up in my eyes. I remember feeling so scared, but blissfully happy.

Ben interpreted my tears that something was wrong and pulled away, looking in my eyes. I chuckled and said I was sorry that I was bad at kissing. Please! he said, It was perfect. At least for me. 

Needless to say, things got better in the kissing department and my face stopped freezing with fear when we would smooch.

A few days later, Ben went home to California for Christmas. We talked on the phone often, but I found myself missing him terribly. Like when someone looses an arm, missing him.

One night near curfew time, we were talking on the phone when I heard a knock at the door. Angie said it was for me, I waved her away saying, "I'm on the phone. I have zit cream on my face. And my retainer is in."

She told me I would definitely want to see who was there. I reluctantly ended my call with Ben and walked to the front room where I saw him grinning from ear to ear, sitting on my couch. He had come back a few days early, and to say I was surprised would be an understatement. I looked at my phone and then back at him, then back at my phone before realizing what was going on.

(He had driven 85 on the freeway since Salt Lake and got a speeding ticket in order to see me before curfew).

I leapt to him and smashed him with a bear hug. He laughed and asked me if I was happy to see him. Duh. 

Months seemed to fly by as we managed a relationship, school, and work. We had so much fun together and I remember feeling so complete and happy with Ben at my side. We made the most of Rexburg by going to acoustic cafe at the Kirkham, visiting the taco bus, studying, going on walks, watching movies at the cheap theatre, and watching the Ballroom team perform at the Hart. We also went to wrestling practice together: he as a coach and me as the yoga teacher.

A very memorable date for me occurred a few days before Valentine's. Ben had come home from work and stated he needed to go to the hospital. He was working at a greenhouse at the time and said he had stepped on a rusty nail. Thinking of the woes of tetanus and hepatitis, I grabbed my purse and hopped in the jeep.

Ben said he needed to stop by his sister's building where she was at an activity and grab his insurance cards. I thought the parking lot looked suspiciously empty for a church activity, but didn't give it another thought. Ben ran in the building and waved me inside a few minutes later. When I got inside, he was no where in sight and the hallway was dark, lit only by small candles on the floor. Not knowing what else to do, I followed the candle path and made it to a beautifully decorated Relief Society room complete with roses and something smelling delicious on the table.

Ben finally appeared a few minutes later and wished me a happy Valentine's day. We had a lovely dinner and Ben serenaded me with his guitar. You are so in love with this boy, I thought to myself. And I smiled.

Wanting to do something special for Ben for the actual Valentine's Day, I enlisted my roommates to help me conjure a scavenger hunt that would eventually lead him to me in a designated place. Ben came over after work and my roommate said I was studying at the library. Ben asked he what the heck I was doing at the library on Valentine's to which lovely, well rehearsed Angie replied, "You know Whit. She's hardcore."

She sent him to the library for the first clue. I can't remember all the places we sent him, but by the time he got to auditorium where I was, he looked cold and excited.

I stopped him as he started to walk up the stairs to the stage where I sat and pointed him to a seat in the front, scared if he touched me I'd lose my nerve. Visibly nervous and shaking, I pulled my guitar out of the case and did what he had asked me to so many months ago. I played him a song that I wrote. And my voiced cracked. I wanted to die.

But he looked so happy and clapped enthusiastically when I finished, luckily still somewhat in tune. He rushed the stage like I was a rockstar, picked me up, and spun me around, telling me how amazing I was. I felt pretty awesome. That was something I loved about him--how he made me feel like I could do anything.

We were totally inseparable at this point. And I couldn't get enough of it.

Marriage became the topic of our conversations and we decided that we both knew what we wanted, but wanted to pray and be sure. We both got the feeling that this was our choice--the Lord was with us either way. We sought the counsel of our amazing Bishop for further guidance who encouraged us to listen to the Holy Ghost and trust our instincts. As we talked to the Bishop, it was amazing how he addressed and calmed all of my fears about marriage. I thinking, "does he hear my prayers, too?"

While I knew the choice was mine, I was so grateful that the Lord had had the Bishop answer my prayers and fears questions.

Having made up our minds we wanted to get married, I insisted we wait to get engaged until the semester ended. If fact, I told Ben if he asked me before that, I would say no.

A few days later, I donned my yoga clothes and pulled my hair back for wrestling practice. (I would go once a week and work with the boys on balance and core strength. Ask any of them, it was hard and they hated it). Our friend Emily knocked on the door and asked me if she could come along. I enthusiastically welcomed the estrogen and we walked to the Hart together in the snow that had just started to fall.

When we walked through the Hart door, one of the wrestlers stood there in his Sunday best, holding a daisy. I quizzically looked at him and inquired what he was doing. He didn't answer, just held out his arm and escorted me up the first flight of stairs.

We walked up to the second flight of stairs where we found another wrestler dressed to kill and holding flowers. As we walked down the hall toward the wrestling room, boys from the team kept popping out left and right and handed me flowers. I looked at Emily for an explanation, but she just smiled and gracefully excused herself, having done her part of getting me to the building.

As the train of wrestlers grew behind me, I was pretty sure this wasn't going to be an ordinary wrestling practice. We got to the wrestling room and they fanned out and formed a half circle around me. Then Ingrid Michaelson's "Giving Up" started to play and they started to sing. And dance. I peered around for Ben, but couldn't see him.

As the song neared the end, Ben walked to me in the center of the matt and we danced while the boys finished the song. They left and he held me in place for a few more minutes. I was giddy at this point and wondered if he was trying to gather his thoughts.

Finally, we walked to a flowery, candle lit corner of the dingy wrestling room and he got down on one knee. He said such sweet, wonderful things and voiced his dreams about our future. The line I remember most he stole from Friends, "You make me happier than I ever thought I could be." He had tears in his eyes.

At this point, I couldn't break my face from the permanent smile and my plan to hold off being engaged was somewhere far out in left field. I looked into his eyes and saw my future and everything I had ever wanted. My plans didn't matter. I was about to embark on a better adventure.

He said, "Will you marry me?" and I gushed, "Yes! Of course!"

We hugged and kissed, and for the first time, I tore my gaze away from his face long enough to look at the ring. We hadn't been ring shopping and I never told him what I like or wanted, but that round love story diamond took my breath away. I'm glad I told him yes before I saw it, because it could definitely could have swayed my opinion. It was a little big, but I didn't care. Ben knew me so well I didn't have to pick out my ring to be happy with it. It meant so much to me that he did it on his own.

He had shown Angie the ring one day outside and she cried when she saw it, exclaiming, "Oh! It's just perfect. She will love it!" Innocent by standers thought they were getting engaged.

A few minutes later, we heard some coughing at the door. I hoped it was someone needed the room for a class because I couldn't take anymore excitement. As we walked out, we were greeted by a gymnasium of friends whooping and hollering their congratulations. Ben spun me and dipped me and I desperately wished I was in something other than gym clothes.

We drove away from the building and Ben said he needed to go to a friend's house to get something. We walked into the apartment and I saw candles and a blanket on the floor with some delicious mexican food. Our first dinner as an engaged couple happened on the floor of a stinky boys' apartment and it was perfect. I felt so lucky to be the recipient of such a planned and heart felt proposal. Yes, he could have gotten away with a lot less, but he knew how important and special this day would be for the rest of our lives.

After dinner, we went to the library to study. It was finals week and my Anat and Phys final was the next day. It's lame, I know. But he happily quizzed me and encouraged me. And motivated me with donuts. Because that's how amazing he is.

I got through finals just fine and had the summer off before I started nursing school. My tutoring job was only a few hours a week, so I was looking for something else. While moving home for the summer was an option, I prayed I would be able to stay in Rexburg. With Ben. My Fiance. :) I sent resumes to the moon and back and finally got a position as a CNA at an assisted living center on the weekends. It was perfect.

We spent the summer working, playing, and realizing our August wedding was a long time away.  A few months into our engagement, we like every couple, played with the idea of eloping. At the time, I wanted to do nothing more than blow off decorators, caterers, and bridesmaids. But, we didn't. You're welcome, Mom.

Ben moved into our apartment a few weeks before the wedding. We had a blast trying to decorate on a budget. D.I. became our go-to place and Ikea was our mecca for cheap furniture. I liked "playing house" and would try to make Ben dinner or treats sometimes. Once, I tried to make a cheese cake. I was so sure I had it right; it looked delicious and I couldn't wait for Ben to try it. Well, it never set up. Even after a few hours in the freezer. But Ben, being the saint he is, got a spoon and dug in, saying I may have been the first person to make cheese cake soup.

The night before the wedding, my sister Rachel, my cousin Bailey, and I went out on the town. Well, as much as you can in Preston, Idaho. We actually ended up going to Stoke's Market and buying chocolate milk and donuts. They were having a sale on chocolate milk, so we got two. Gallons. We drove to the church parking lot and pigged out on delicious pastries, passing the milk among us. Now that, is a bachelorette party!

August eighth was a rainy day and while everyone said they were sorry about the weather, I was grateful it wasn't a million degrees and our wedding pictures wouldn't have squinty eyes. I drove with my Mom to the Logan temple and Ben pulled in the parking lot right before us. Unfortunately, there was a load of construction happening in the front of the temple, so we carefully made our way around the cement barriers and men with hard hats.

My Mom helped me get dressed for the ceremony and I couldn't believe this day had come. I felt blessed to have found someone I wanted to spend forever with.

As Ben and I waited outside the sealing room, we held hands in silence. My mind was at peace and I couldn't think of anywhere I'd rather be.

The ceremony was beautiful and full of love. We were given wonderful advice and promised countless blessings. Our families smiled as we kissed and we were soon the recipients of many hugs and well wishes.

We had a little lunch at the quaint Bluebird Restaurant on main street in Logan. It's a sentimental old place and has sold the best chocolates around for years. The luncheon was upstairs in what looked like an old ballroom with wood floors, antique lighting, and mirrors on the walls. From what got to taste, the food was pretty dang good. I kept looking at Ben and thinking, Huh. He's my husband now. And then I'd get goosebumps.

We drove to Idaho for a reception that evening that concluded the day beautifully. My lovely Idaho neighbors and friends who had cheered me on for years finally got to meet the love of my life.  Ben got his fair share of take care of her and she's like a daughter to me, but he took it in stride. We ended the evening in dance and I was so grateful for families who can and will boogie!

Thanks to my brother, the car we were going to drive was completely hashed and decorated beyond belief. Down to the rice in the air vents and the saran wrap around the doors, that thing was never the same. We drove to Rigby and stayed in the Blue Heron Inn by the Snake River. The fluffy quilts, fireplace, and homemade treats were just what we needed.

The next day we drove to California for our honeymoon. I had never seen the ocean, so Ben was determined to introduce me to his first love. We spent time in Santa Cruz, Monteray, and San Francisco. We relaxed on the beach, went to the boardwalk and rode rides in Santa Cruz, and saw the amazing Golden Gate Bridge.

I could see why people say to never let the honeymoon end. It was a totally magical time and we made so many fun memories. Like when Ben got heat stroke and we drove to 7 eleven for slushies and the cashier went on and on about the evils of war. We just want slushies, man. Peace. Or how the seagulls ate our lunch at the beach. Like when the front desk clerk at the hotel had such a thick accent, it took us 20 minutes to check in. And how Ben found out I can sleep anywhere, anytime. Especially in the car during a five hour traffic jam.

We had an open house there and this time I got to meet Ben's fans and friends. When it came time for the garter toss, I panicked, remembering that we didn't have one. Ben gave me a look like, I got this and so I sat in a chair and waited. He pretended to fish for a garter and pulled out a sexy pair of undies from his suit pocket. I was mortified, but I couldn't help but laugh.  A six year old boy caught the prize. Oh, well. That's some other parent's problem.

We made our way back to Idaho and prepared ourselves for school to start. I was going to be a hostage in nursing school for the next two years and I honestly dreaded starting the semester. Looking back, I'm amazed at how we survived: working night shifts, full time school, weekly clinicals, and loads of homework. Yes, it was totally hectic and we were always tired, but it was one of the most simple and happy times of our lives. We learned to rely on each other and made a really good team.

Rexburg winter had showed her freezing face early as usual that year and because we were poor, our heat was only on enough to keep the pipes from freezing. We bought a space heater and huddled around it in our winter coats, sweats, hats, and gloves. We learned to play the guitar with gloves on. Not easy, folks. We were always a little excited to go to campus and be in warm classroom for awhile. Sometimes, we would take the jeep on a drive, crank up the heater, and relish in the warmth.

The summer was a little less abrasive, but being the cheapskates we are, we didn't run the air conditioner, either. We moved into a little house on the corner of 2nd East and were in heaven with our easy walk to campus, our coin operated washer and dryer, and the yard with trees and a magnificent porch. We celebrated our first anniversary there and it will always hold a special place in my heart. I miss that tiny yellow kitchen and the broken dishwasher door that almost broke my foot.

We graduated in December and started to feel a little more like grown ups. We got pregnant and had a miscarriage.  We got jobs.  I made a decent cheese cake. We took an amazing trip to Italy and France as a "graduation/congrats for landing a job" gift to ourselves.

Ben accepted a teaching position in Utah and we packed our things and left our beloved Rexburg. It was a lot harder to leave than I imagined and I cried until we got to Salt Lake. Rexburg was were we had met, fell in love, and lived for years as students of BYU-Idaho (best place and most amazing school on earth).

But it was time to let someone else make memories in that adorable brick house on the corner with a yellow kitchen. So, we moved to Utah and we a little shocked by the culture and air quality for a few months, but soon it became home. Zimbabwe could be home as long as Ben is with me.

We have been here three years now and have been blessed with a home in a friendly culdesac and sweet neighbors. We have three dogs who have laid claim on our hearts and couches. We have fought for years to be parents and are finally expecting a little one in June.

We have been so richly blessed during our journey together. We have had our share of trials and sorrow, but aren't strangers to bliss and love. My heart has been full as I have relived some of our memories and I can't wait to see what the future holds.

I am so glad I met a boy who muddled up all my perfect plans. I'm grateful he has built a life with me so wonderful that even I couldn't have imagined possible.